


The Marks that Bind Us

by SuperChorifly



Series: Amidst a Grey World [2]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Cultural Differences, M/M, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Sexual Abuse, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:20:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29405439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperChorifly/pseuds/SuperChorifly
Summary: When Ash dared to look forward, he saw a hazy future with the ending set in cold hard stone, his fate marked as firmly and as unchangeable as the marks on his skin.Eiji didn't dare to look beyond today, but he knew, better than most, that fate could change.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji, Lee Yut-Lung & Sing Soo-Ling, Okumura Eiji & Sing Soo-Ling, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Series: Amidst a Grey World [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1990162
Comments: 6
Kudos: 34





	The Marks that Bind Us

Eiji found himself falling into a routine, the dust finally settling down after the race.

He found his role in New York, in the fancy apartment, in Ash’s life; taking pictures of everyone who came in and out of the building adjacent to them, he could spend hours waiting and editing pictures, waiting again, giving them higher resolution, adjusting lighting and shadows on the computer to make faces recognizable.

Waiting.

Eiji would use all the knowledge he got from taking care of his father and of healing his own pole vaulting injuries and put it towards taking care of Ash and his gang, Kong and Bones being the ones spending time with him the most. Alex would join them sometimes, though unlike the other two, he would cast himself to a corner, mostly checking his phone and making phone calls, cordial yet distant.

Eiji could notice the looks Ash’s second in command sent him, never malicious but rather guarded.

It was such a sharp contrast to what Shorter had been that sometimes it physically pained him, the colorful boy who had so quickly turned into a friend hung over him like a ghost, often visiting his nightmares, tainting every good memory Eiji held of him. Shorter haunted Ash too, Eiji could see it in the way he became more withdrawn and wary of everything and everyone.

Sometimes Eiji would catch Ash looking at him, staring more like, with a stormy look on those worn down eyes, the same look he would give the bright purple line on his right arm, uncertain and at the same time hurt and yearning.

Eiji yearned for him too, cursed Golzine and Arthur and even Yut Lung, when he was at his lowest, for turning Shorter, so sweet and so kind Shorter into a spirit haunting them, an unspoken topic, sort of like his medals back home.

Eiji still had one of Shorter’s hoodies. Yellow and dirty, folded one too many times and hidden, it hurt too much to think about, to remember, just like it hurt to remember his life back home, so Eiji would push it down, tuck his guilt and his homesickness folded up one too many times in the bottom of a drawer, live the life he was making for himself now, fulfill the purpose he was given here and he would rather worry about Alex’s weird unsettling looks, about Ash’s ever-changing behavior than to think too much about Shorter or Japan or the real dangers that lurked just outside of his and Ash’s uppity apartment.

“Eiji?”

If he closes his eyes he could almost feel it, the low and almost soft rumbling, like the slow beginnings of an earthquake, deafening and threatening, daring him to take notice before it lets out with full force bringing destruction and chaos with it.

_You’ve done this before, just breathe._

“Hey, man you OK?”

Eiji lets go of the forks with a gasp, he hadn’t even noticed how he had turned his hands into fists, how hard he was holding on to it until they clatter against the open drawer with a loud _clash!_ And he needs a couple more seconds to realize there are no guns pressed to his head or to his side, no blood dripping onto his face, no wandering hands, no danger.

_No danger._

_No danger._

_I’m not in danger._

Eiji blinks hard a couple of times before remembering he’s been spoken to, he turns sharply to look over his shoulder where no other than Alex is frowning at him like Eiji sprouted a second head.

Oh… right.

Not only is Eiji out of immediate danger, he’s actually ridiculously safe compared to the last few weeks, he’s in the apartment, it’s the middle of the afternoon, Ash is gone but he left his three musketeers in his stead, they had been chatting amicably, laughing about something stupid or other, they were good at that, pretending they were all just a bunch of young dudes hanging out.

Eiji wasn’t as good at it apparently, because he had managed to get completely freaked put out of just… What had it been this time?

He looks around quickly, Bones and Kong are staring at him from the kitchen table, hands in the air, held frozen in the middle of broad gesticulation, Alex is close, way closer than before when he had perched himself on the frame of the door, half checking his phone half listening in on them while Eiji…

What had he been doing again?

Eiji blinks a couple more times, looks down to the scattered forks and slowly picks them up again. Two, three and four; four forks on his hand, he closes the drawer and finally turns fully around to face a still frowning Alex, Bones and Kong have already put their hands down and look rather worried.

_Smile, idiot, you’re freaking them out, just smile, laugh, something!_

“I’m great!” Eiji laughs shaking the forks in his hand in front of his face as if that meant anything “Sorry just spacing out!”

He said that right, right?

If it was possible Alex frowned even harder and seemed like he was about to say something when he was interrupted by a shrill sound.

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

Oh, right, the microwave. The microwave had beeped already and it had startled him, sent him spiraling, but why?

He shakes his head before hurrying to take the food out, if it could be called that. Eiji frowns suspiciously at the garbage can where the package of their current dinner was. Would the three boys notice if he reached for it? If only to know what the hell he was eating.

“But it’s mac’n’cheese!” Bones interrupts cheery, apparently buying Eiji’s awkward attempt at an excuse or at least kind enough to let it slide. Once he and Kong realized Eiji wasn’t that tough, fearless guy they seemed to believe he was after he woke Ash up that one time, they became much more relaxed around him, chatting amicably and complimenting his cooking like it was from a five star restaurant. Eiji didn’t have it in him to tell them it was all pre-made meals Ash brought home, almost all Eiji did was pour boiling water or stir for a minute or two “We need spoons!”

Eiji pauses again looking down at the orange goo he had taken out of the microwave and not for the first time he wished he was allowed to go outside, buy some real food so he could feed them real nutrients instead of reheated plastic.

“Oh” Eiji places the goo on the table before stepping around Alex and exchanging the four forks for four spoons “Silly me!” He laughs again, consciously ignoring Alex’s stare.

Was this how mac and cheese was supposed to look? Eiji hadn’t looked at the picture on the box before placing it on the microwave, was he even supposed to microwave it?

Kong smiles kindly at him before dividing the mac and cheese on four bowls generously while Bones continues his story from before, Eiji stares at it and feels his stomach turn. Oh, he would kill for some natto or even some okayu.

Alex’s phone dings with a new text and he sits next to Eiji to read it, shoveling a couple of scoops into his mouth in quick succession “Less chattin’ more eatin’” He scolds the two other gang members “We gotta go soon” He side-eyes Eiji quickly before eating another scoop “Babysittin’s over”

And well that was… Ok…

Eiji did his best not to look offended and hid a surprised scoff around a mouthful of what had to be the world’s saltiest, clumpiest and at the same time most tasteless mac and cheese. He chews slowly and carefully doesn’t look anywhere else. Oh how he wishes his english hadn’t gotten better in his time in this country so he could pretend he didn’t understand a word.

Eiji wouldn’t call himself religious, not in the way his grandmother used to be, but he prayed frequently and tried to live life gratefully and proudly like he thinks the gods would want and maybe all of it has payed off because in that moment Alex’s phone rings,

“Shit, gotta take this” He says under his breath before stepping out of the kitchen.

Silence reigns in his wake.

“I do not think Alex likes me very much” He says to the remaining two, still staring at his own bowl. He probably shouldn’t say anything, but he knows he won’t bring this up to Ash and frankly, he’s been getting kind of tired of keeping stuff in all the time.

“What! Noo, dont say that, Ei-chan! He totally likes ya! He’s just a lil’ quiet, yaknow?” Bones is quick to say, waving his hands emphatically, making food fly all over from his spoon.

“I guess” he responds unconvinced pushing the orange goo around his bowl.

“Siriously, though! Alex’s like the nicest!” Bones continued, pushing his pinkish blond hair out of his face smearing some of the orange thing on it without noticing.

Eiji winced “Uh-hm” He really hoped that thing wasn’t dangerous, it had to be full of toxins, right? How else could it taste like that?

“Yeah, Ei-chan! Anyone who can stand up to the Boss in the mornings has nothin’ to fear from good ol’ Alex!” Kong added kindly. It was still a shock to Eiji how quick those two spoke, it was definitely a good way to practice his english listening skills with their New York accents and Bones slight lisp from his knocked out teeth.

It was never a challenge to listen to Ash though; Eiji wondered if he spoke slower and clearer for his benefit or if it was just another way that Ash was polished into perfection.

He didn’t really like neither of those options.

“Who’s standing up to me?”

Like thunder rumbling, his voice barging into the apartment changed the entire mood of the room. Instantly Kong and Bones were sitting upright instead of half lying on the kitchen isle and a look of fear crossed the former’s face.

Eiji felt his mood shift too as a smile graced his lips and his eyes traveled to his soulmate walking into the kitchen. Ash looks his way and Eiji’s smile falters at how pale and worn the other boy looks, his eyes are tired and a bit closed off and that only terrifies the other two more.

“N-no one Boss! ‘Course no one!” Kong nearly screamed while Bones nodded eagerly and hid himself behind his larger friend.

“D-damn right!” Bones added helplessly.

Ash maintained eye contact rising a perfectly arched eyebrow and Eiji couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

_He sure loves to be dramatic, huh?_

Ash lets the silence simmer.

“What are y’all doing? I told ya we had to go, c’mon!” Alex comes to the rescue, pocketing his phone and sending the other boys scampering out of the apartment.

“Bye, Eiji!” They squeal from the doorway before the door slams shut, bowls of orange goo only half-eaten, but Eiji can’t find it in himself to be sad about it, even eating nothing had to be better than eating that.

“Got the address?” Ash asks his second in command, voice suddenly much more serious than before and Eiji feels like he’s intruding, but can only sit still and hope they ignore him.

“Yeah, just got the call, they agreed to meet up, but it has to be now” Alex responds in much the same voice.

“Well, they sure like getting hard to get, who are they to make demands?” Ash rolls his eyes and for a brief second he almost sounds like the bratty teenage Eiji lov… Eiji knows.

“Beats me, Boss, but to me they didn’t sound cocky, they were more… Nervous”

Ash’s mouth turns in distaste and his eyes become calculating before they fall right on Eiji and now he feels like a deer caught on headlights, so much for trying to remain invisible to them, now he got caught openly staring and eavesdropping. Ash’s mouth almost quirks up like on instinct before he schools his expression, but not fast enough for Eiji not to notice. Not fast enough for Alex not to notice either.

“Well, nothing you can’t handle on your own, right?” Ash used his Boss voice, the one that no matter the intonation wasn’t really asking, but instead demanding. It was dismissing.

Alex eyes flicked over to Eiji and suddenly he felt inexplicably defensive, maybe he was a bit pissed about the babysitting comment and maybe he was a bit pissed about the babysitting in general, Eiji had spent the last few weeks stuck and alone and confused and Ash was rarely there, so maybe Eiji wanted him to stay even if that meant Alex frowned at him even harder, Eiji met his stare head on.

“Sure thing, Boss. I’ll keep ya updated” Alex nods to them once before slipping out of the apartment.

Eiji sighs and eats another spoonful of mac and cheese on instinct, he has to stop himself from gagging and swallows on force of will alone before he pushes it away, Ash stares at him amusedly from the doorway.

“What’s so funny?” Eiji demands crossing his arms above his chest, feeling more than a bit ticked off.

“You picking fights with my men now, sweetheart?” He asks in a voice so syrupy sweet it makes Eiji cringe and roll his eyes “I knew you had a death wish, but this is just bad for business”

“I’m not picking any fights!” He defends and he maturely sticks his tongue out.

“Then what was all that about?” He lifts an eyebrow at Eiji now.

Eiji stops for a moment to consider if he should say anything, but what would he say? ‘I’m upset because your friend doesn’t like me?’ That sounded way too childish and petty! No, there was no good in causing trouble unnecessarily, not everyone had to like Eiji, he knew he was imposing.

“I don’t like that you make them spend time with me” He settles with “They are busy, they shouldn’t have to babysit me”

“And who said anything about babysitting?” Ash asks airily, sitting in front of Eiji and reaching for his almost untouched bowl and digging in. Eiji fights another gag. Ash frowns “This tastes like shit”

“If you let me go out to buy actual food I could cook something other than that… That thing!” Eiji exclaims only mildly offended, sure he hadn’t even read the instructions before sticking that thing in the microwave but he still had made it, thank you very much!

“Eiji-” Ash starts tiredly.

“There’s a store right downstairs, Ash” Eiji implores softly, letting his arms fall to his sides “Believe it or not I can be careful, I don’t ask to go out into town on my own or anything, it’s just downstairs, it’s full of housewives and old people”

One of Ash’s hands is resting limply on the table, Eiji notices and wonders if he does that on purpose, if he’s too ashamed or too afraid to ask for what he wants and instead just opens himself and hopes Eiji notices. Or maybe he just put his hand there for no real reason, not other meaning, either way Eiji reaches for it, slowly, carefully, slides his fingers along Ash’s longer and paler ones and can’t help but smile when he feels him turning his hand upwards, welcoming Eiji’s own hand to rest on top of his.

“In LA I let you out of my sight once” He says quiet, so quiet Eiji has to strain to hear him “Just once”

“We’re not in LA” Eiji says and squeezes his hand “We’re not there anymore, it’s just you and me Ash”

Eiji’s not sure of what’s the right thing to say, but that makes Ash smile. A small, barely there smile, but one none the less “Yeah” He mutters.

“I want to stay with you. I told you forever” Eiji pushes on “But I can’t stay _in here_ forever, we have to try one day, you can’t be there to protect me all the time the same I can’t follow you wherever you go every day, so you have to trust me too”

Ash is finally meeting his eyes again and Eiji feels like he’s drowning in green, green, green. He tries to send all the reassurance and the calm and security he can through his eyes, hopes the lines in both their wrists connects them enough to let Ash feel it.

“I trust you” He says slowly, frowning and then lower “I’ve always trusted you” he sighs “You go down and straight back up, thirty minutes and in the morning when’s less crowded and don’t talk to anyone there, I mean it!” He orders and his using his Boss voice, the one that demands.

“Yes, Boss!” He chirps, using his other hand to salute. Ash’s armor brakes just a little as he snorts, kicking his shin under the table lightly.

“You’re such a brat”

“That’s you! You are the brat teenager! I’m adult” He grins and Ash grins back.

“I’m an adult too, genius, I’m eighteen now” He says as he eats more of Eiji’s bowl.

Eiji stops frozen mid-laugh and stares at the boy in front of him as he snickers and eats before he feels a wave of outrage come over him and he pushes the blond’s hand away at the same time he kicks him under the table. Hard

“Argh! What the fuck, Eiji! That hurt!” He yells.

“You didn’t tell me it was your birthday?!” Eiji yells back and in a rush of drama stands up from the table and stomps his way to the living room “What kind of soulmate doesn’t say their birthday! Worst soulmate ever!” Eiji exclaims.

“The hell!?” Ash screeches from the kitchen and Eiji has to control himself not to giggle. _Stay in character_ “In case you didn’t notice we were kinda busy, Eiji! Or did you wanted us to sing and blow candles in the back of a freaking truck!?” Ash has made his way to the living room and looks so completely flabbergasted Eiji had to physically fight his laughter.

“Trucks can be festive too, Ash! Have you never heard of parades?” Eiji says with his hands on his hips and his lip wobbling.

Ash stares at him with his mouth hanging open for a full 3 seconds before realizing Eiji is barely containing himself and then he huffs, his face contorts and it looks like he’s the one trying not to laugh now.

“Whatever! It’s not like you ever told me _your_ birthday either, or did you forget that, grandpa?”

Eiji rolls his eyes “June 29th” He says smiling at his soulmate, asking.

“August 12th” Ash mutters, responds. Eiji does quick math, though that was never one of his fortes and realizes they were literally in the middle of all the mess, it’s all so confusing Eiji is not even really sure what they were doing on Ash’s birthday. Had it been while Ash was in jail? After his brother died? After his father and step-mother got shot and where left behind with uncertain fates? After his best friend and soulmate betrayed him?

Eiji feels a knot tie itself on his gut and laments it all “Well, we better make sure next year we celebrate them both right” Eiji says decidedly with a final nod as it to seal a promise with himself.

When he looks up he feels the knot double up in size and pain because Ash looks confused; he looks shocked and conflicted, like the idea that they would be together next year was so unfathomable it had never crossed his mind or… Or maybe he thought he wouldn’t reach his nineteenth birthday, that no matter their intentions it was all already decided, like marks on their skin.

Eiji feels his breath stuck on his throat as he shares a scared look with those green, green eyes before he shakes himself.

_Breathe… Six seconds in…Twelve seconds out… Smile._

Eiji knew, better than most, that marks can change; they could turn black or fade all together, they could mean whatever they wanted them to mean.

“We should go to Japan!” He says a bit too loud, a bit too frail “My Oba-chan always had us go to the shrine on our birthdays, after she died I kept on doing it and I always had a little celebration with my friends and my team mates” He’s babbling, he knows he’s babbling, but it’s better than Ash’s resigned eyes “But that is just me, what did you like to do in your birthdays?” He asks. Begs more like.

Ash’s smile turns bitter and plastic, they don’t move, but suddenly he feels further away “I haven’t celebrated it since Griff left” He says with a nasty twist to his mouth, he isn’t even looking at Eiji anymore “And my birthdays and the manor were…” His voice dies down, chokes up as his hands clench into painful looking fists.

“You can tell me” Eiji whispers even if a part of him selfishly wishes to never know, knows it will be too painful. Ash raises his gaze to look at him, assessing him “If you want, you can tell me” He says again because it feels better than the silence that stretches forever.

Ash just looks and looks and looks and Eiji shrinks ever so slightly, finally the blond boy smiles tiredly and doesn’t look like a boy at all, he looks aged beyond his years, worn and aching.

“Can I?” He asks without malice, but with bite all the same “Can I really ever tell anyone about how he used me, how and how much, how he didn’t like my birthday cuz it meant I was getting older? How he would shower me with gifts and then let any of his gross men use me too?” He gasps, his knuckles turn with and bloodless “Do you think I want to?” He asks finally.

And deep down a part of Eiji begs him to bite the hook, knows that someday Ash will have to let it all out and it will be ugly and grimy and so incredibly painful, healing and hurting in equal amounts, he knows that someday he’ll have to listen. But there’s another side of Eiji, a weaker, more scared side that’s still healing, that barely keeps himself together, has barely done it for weeks and months and years on end and doesn’t want the pain anymore, not right now, not when Ash looks so wrecked when only moments ago they had been holding hands on the kitchen isle.

So Eiji breathes, he breathes deeply and he breathes again, he walks and pushes through walls, moves slowly and carefully, but surely and finds no resistance when he reaches his hand again. Eiji raises the clenched fist and holds it between both his hands, he slowly so slowly maneuvers the hand open, moves them kindly until the other boy releases the air he had refused to let out.

For maybe the first time Eiji is grateful for their different heights, because he couldn’t bear to look Ash in the eyes as he deposits a single kiss in the knuckles, not so white anymore.

“Don’t then” He says with his eyes closed and rejoices in the way Ash lets him cradle his hand against his chest “Tell me something nice instead”

He recalls a short and quiet conversation near a river, washing blood out of guiltless hands and another time he chose the coward’s way out in favor of keeping them in one piece.

“Nice” Ash mutters in a monotone voice, like he doesn’t know the meaning of the word anymore.

“Nice” Eiji repeats “Tell me about a birthday with Griffin” He feels the hand between his own twitch.

There is a longer silence now and Eiji fears every second that Ash will pull away, will go lie in their room without a word or worse, will leave the apartment and Eiji will be alone, alone, alone again.

And then, finally, Ash reaches for him just as he’s about to fall. Ash is always there to catch Eiji.

“We would go to the beach” He says quietly, like sharing a secret. Eiji ponders it probably is “We didn’t have much money so he would make me a present and use what we did have to buy a cake” There’s a bit of emotion there “I think he once gave me a poem as a present, a poem he wrote”

“That’s beautiful” Eiji whispers and isn’t surprised when he chokes up on unshed tears.

“I don’t remember what it was about, though” He laughs.

“I bet you could guess” Eiji smiles and finally braves looking up, eyes green and watery stare down,

“Yeah” He says and Ash’s hand squeezes his.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thank you for getting this far! I hope you liked this chapter!  
> I intend to do things a bit differently than before and make chapters with bigger timeskips instead of following a continuous plot.  
> Like always, I'm sorry for any error in grammar, english isn't my first language and no one but me proofreads this lol  
> Please leave a comment and or a kudo if you liked it!


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